At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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