And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
