Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
