It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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