I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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