Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
