His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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