Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
