I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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