haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was like eating out sand paper
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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