You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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