____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize