The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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