worst night to have a conscience
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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