He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
