Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is there bacon in the couch?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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