my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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