dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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