Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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