Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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