day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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