Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i believe in u and ur pee
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
