He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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