Already got asked if we're dating
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
