Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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