Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
