Yo dont text me then not text me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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