i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
