Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
