my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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