So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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