Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
