I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
