cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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