Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
