my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
