it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
