i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
