Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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