he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize