Your face is a jimmy john
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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