At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
