There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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