I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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