...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
