next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
