New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
