We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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