I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
