At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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