dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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