It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
