i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
