you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
