I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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