My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
