If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
