4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize