OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
