pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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