we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
