I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there was a trapeze. enough said
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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