you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
