I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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