May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
false alarm, still single
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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