can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
