You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
