South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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