Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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