I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
