i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
