she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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