I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
