the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize