There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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