Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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