I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
