sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
