Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
