we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
