I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize