3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
