woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just cut my nipple shaving
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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