Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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