How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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