she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize