Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
