I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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