My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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