dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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