Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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