with your own penis?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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