If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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